Apple Pie

Yesterday, I decided to make a homemade apple pie. We have loads of apples still from picking a few weeks ago. I have a great from scratch crust recipe and over the years I’ve come up with a good filling recipe also. Apple pie is pretty simple to make, but it feels good to have a solid winner in your recipe box for this standard. Last year’s pie was to die for-the best one that I’ve ever put together. It looked like a magazine cover. The crust was the right golden hue; the pinches along the edges were spaced correctly. I had rolled out the crust just right. It was beautiful and I was really proud of it.

This year’s pie was another story. I think yesterday was probably the worst possible day for me to go about baking something. One of my children has the flu. Lovely, no? Don’t worry they are getting better. A second child was just in the process of coming down with it last night. You knew that was coming, right? I have been up for about 3 solid nights now with very little sleep. In addition to that, a friend of mine is going through something rather complicated in her life and I had just gotten off of a difficult phone call with her. My mom also had just called to release some stress regarding my aging grandparents. My sister’s little guy also has the flu and has developed bronchitis as a complication from it. I was concerned about him. The world was not looking so rosy last night. Things were piling up. Quickly. So, sometimes you need a release.

Baking-it almost always works for me. You can loose yourself in the minutiae. And if you follow the directions exactly, things will always turn out good in the end. So, I began. Even though I just had the house cleaned thoroughly that morning, I began to peel, core and slice all of the apples. A very juicy mess was created. The crust was another story. Things went along well and I put it in the freezer early that morning to chill. Throughout the process of the baking of the pie, T kept saying to me “Really, today you’re going to that? Of all days?” Yes, I was. So, I rolled out the bottom crust-all went smoothly. The filling was made and all was good. Top crust time came and it all fell apart. I had to roll and reroll 3 times. Anyone who makes pie crust knows that this does nothing but break down the butter from the heat of the process leaving you with less flavor and goodness in your crust. Not to mention it’s a pain in the ass. Each time, the phone would ring. The kids would need something. Mass chaos seemed to be happening all around me and in my head especially.

I couldn’t keep things clear. I couldn’t focus. I was not loosing myself in the process of baking. It was just adding more stress. I finally got the top crust on and realized that I forgot to dot the apples with butter. I had to remove it yet again. After putting the top on for the last time I ripped it in two places. It was hardly even. One side barely covered and one was too thick. I swear I was ready to cry. About pie. I said something to T and he just looked at me like “Really? Over the pie?” I stared yammering about how frustrated I was and how last year’s was so perfect and this was a mess.

Things feel messy right now. A whole pile of yuck. So, he did what he does best. He calmed me down. He showed me how if I turned the pie around the one side looked great. You have to just not look at the side with the tears or where it doesn’t match up. It’s all about what you choose to focus on. God, I hate when he’s right or makes sense or has the ability to always stay calm. But, I also thank God that I have him around to do just that.

Above is the picture of the pie. I guess it’s not that bad. The kids and T gobbled it up for dessert. It didn’t taste quite like last’s years. But, I’m working at not noticing… There are more positive things to focus on.