Wednesday, August 19, 2009

What Might Have Been

Is it wrong that I get depressed watching High School Musical 3? It’s not for the reasons that you’d think. I’m OK with the fact that I’ve seen it 200 times and that I can recite every line by heart. I’m even all right with the fact that I sometimes find myself humming the songs in the car. (Even after I’ve dropped everyone off at school.) I really am OK with the fact that I think Zac Efron is cute. Some might think that this is a tad cougarish, but that’s not what’s got me bugged.

When I see that movie, it instantly transports me back to High School. So clearly I can see T and me at that time. What I hate is that that time has passed for me. It makes me sad that the hope and optimism of having your whole future ahead of you is no longer there for me. In a nutshell, this movie makes me feel really old…

Don’t get me wrong. I would change very little about my life. It has followed the path that I hoped and planned. I met the perfect person for me in high school. I have been with him ever since. And together, we have 3 absolutely wonderful children. We’ve worked hard to fulfill our dreams and most of them, so far, have come true. We have been very blessed.

I know what you’re going to say. You wouldn’t want to be back there anyway. But, you know what? Maybe it would be fun to get a second chance to indulge in what you missed the first time around. I did not study abroad in college. It took me 2 schools before I found the right one at which to study. I would like to have moved to a really exciting city right after school to experience something different for a while. Before I had to decide that I want my children to live close to their extended family in a city I am so familiar with.

We all have secret wishes for what might have been. I realize that there will be even more as I continue to age. I just can’t believe it took Troy and Gabriella to make me feel so contemplative about getting older. Maybe I shouldn’t worry about maturing so much. Clearly, I have a way to go…

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