Thursday, August 27, 2009

The Good Mother, The Bad Wife

Yesterday, my husband asked me if I could join him on an outing with his boss and his wife and a client and his wife. It should have been a fun time. Wrigley Field, the Cubs, an afternoon game. How could you go wrong?

Unfortunately, it fell on the same day as B and A’s first day of school. We live a ways outside of the city. So, my parents would have picked them up from school. They’d be the ones to have gotten the scoop about their big day and seen their little expressions as they raced for the lobby. I couldn’t miss that for the world.

So, I had to let my husband down in order to support my children. How often does that happen? Probably, too often.

I am forever grateful that I have a husband who is supportive of our family first and foremost. We are the reason that he works as hard as he does.

Sometimes, I feel like a split person. On one hand, I have my children and on the other my marriage. One cannot survive with out the other. One is responsible for the other. I don’t want to let either down. I always strive to be the best that I possibly can on each end.

Yet, if we’re keeping score, the children often win out. I think T believes this should be the case also. But, I do miss the times when it was all about supporting each other. A time when I could listen to tales about his day uninterrupted. A time when it was his hand that I was always holding.

We are doing exactly what we should be doing right now. Holding onto little hands, guiding their way and listening to their troubles. Wanting and trying to make time for each other as well. I am so lucky to have such an incredible person, who shares these views with me. I look forward to a time when my focus will shift again. Someday, we will return to being a couple. But, for now, we are first a family.

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