Focus

Blank.

Empty.

It seems that lately, as I sit down to compose a blog post, my mind goes blank. I stare at my screen. I try to force my thoughts into something coherent-to string together a few words.

For the first time in a long time, it's difficult.

Things are jumbled. I stare at my screen and think only of the list of to dos. It's quite a long list these days. When things get busy in life, I have trouble focusing. Getting out of the mode of that thinking and taking time for myself to be productive in other ways.

I started this post at 5:00 am. My eyes were so tired, I couldn't focus on the screen for a good five minutes. Perhaps that's the problem. Am I giving myself the best opportunity to be successful at this? Or, is it just getting crammed on the to do list like everything else? The problem is, this is about the only thing on that huge list that is mine alone.

I don't want it to be like that. I walk around all day composing blog posts in my head. The children will do something funny. I'll have a little insight somewhere between soccer and the grocery store. But, life with three children happens and that thought gets lost along the way. I should fix the process. I know that. I should make the time for something that is important to me. I know that also.

I am aware of the changes and the focus shift that needs to be made. However, I am in a rut. I need someone to throw me a rope or lend me a hand to pull me out.